Midnight
by MauMauKa
Summary: Jensen's always there when Cougar needs him.


**A/N: Jensen's Petunia, this one's for you—Maumauka**

**Midnight**

Cougar sat down on the porch steps and lit a cigarette as he contemplated the starry New England sky. The dream had come again, as it always did, and he knew he would not be able to get back to sleep for hours. He had come out here rather than risk waking the others. The air was cool and soft, and the knowledge that his loved ones were sleeping peacefully comforted him. They were all alive, all safe, unlike the ones who haunted his dreams. He could still hear the explosion, and see the faces of children burned almost beyond recognition, so it soothed him to know that this house was full of everyone he cared about, all deep in their own dreams, which he prayed were happier than his own.

The door creaked behind him and he turned, expecting to see Jensen, but instead it was Jake's little niece, Emily. "Hi" she whispered.

"Hola"

The child slipped out of the front door and pattered over to sit next to him. "Watcha doing?"

"Nothing."

"Smoking's bad for you", Emily observed. Cougar grinned and blew a few rings of cloudy white into the night air. Emily huffed in exasperation, sounding remarkably like her uncle Jake when he was annoyed. "Did you have a bad dream?"

"Si."

"Were there monsters in it? Or bugs? I hate the ones with bugs."

"Only one monster" Cougar replied, thinking of Max. "But a bad one."

"Want me to make you some chocolate? Mommy always makes me chocolate when I have bad dreams."

Cougar smiled and shook his head.

Emily sighed and leaned against him. "You're sad. I wish you weren't sad."

"I wish I wasn't too, mija."

"It makes Uncle Jake sad when you're sad."

"I know."

"Can't I help?"

Cougar reached out and gently ruffled her hair, glad of the darkness that shadowed his face. "You do. You help the same way su tío does."

"How?"

"You're here. Alive. Happy. Living your life."

"That helps?"

"Si."

"Why?"

"Because" Cougar finished the cig and stubbed it out. "It reminds me that I am alive, too."

"I don't get it." Emily shook her head.

Cougar chose his words carefully. "Sometimes, when you see so much death, it's hard to remember that there are good things, good people still in the world. When I see your Uncle Jake and your mother and you, and Uncle Pooch and Aunt Jolene, I remember that there is still life and love and all the good things."

The child was silent for several minutes. Then she asked. "Do you have a Mom?"

"No. My parents died long ago."

"Do you have brothers and sisters?"

"No."

Emily got up. "Wait a minute" she said. The door opened and shut as she went back into the house. Cougar lit another cigarette.

She returned in a few minutes, carrying something in her arms. "Here" she said as she held out the object to Cougar. "Hold Hector. I always do when I feel sad and it makes me feel better."

Hector turned out to be a large stuffed hippopotamus. Cougar solemnly accepted the offering and put the hippo in his lap. "Gracias, Emily."

"De Nada", she answered and giggled. "That means 'thank you'. See? I've been practicing!"

"Muy bueno" Cougar returned with a smile.

"I've been thinking" Emily went on as she sat down next to him again. "I could be your sister, if you want."

Cougar felt a lump form in his throat and thanked God and all of His saints that none of his team—even Jensen—could see him crying with a stuffed hippo on his lap. "I'd like that", he said quietly.

Emily put her small arm around him and gave him a hug. Behind them, the door creaked open and Jensen said, "Emmy? What are you doing up?"

"Sitting with Cougar" Emily replied."He had a bad dream, so I'm letting him hold Hector."

"Aw, that's sweet of you, Em." Jensen padded over and sat down on his niece's other side. "Did you make him some chocolate?"

"He didn't want any."

"He didn't? He doesn't know what he's missing, does he? Nightmare chocolate is an old Jensen family remedy."

"That's right!" Emily jumped up and put her hands on her hips. "And if I'm your sister, then I _gotta _make you some chocolate. You're a Jensen now!" She nodded decisively. "Wait a minute and I'll bring it. I can make it in the microwave." She trotted into the house.

Jensen chuckled. "I see she adopted you. You should be flattered, Cougs; Hector the Hippo is her very best stuffed animal friend."

"She is a beautiful child. She has a beautiful soul."

"I know. She's a great kid! Warm and loving, with all the Jensen brains to boot. Jackie's really done a wonderful job with her."

"So have you, I think."

Jensen sighed. "I've done the best I know how to do. It doesn't help that I'm gone so much. She understands that it's my job, but I know it makes her sad when I can't get home for Christmas or Thanksgiving or her birthday."

"But you never forget her. You write them all the time. I've seen you."

"It's not the same."

"No, but it's something" Cougar heard a slight unevenness in his own voice, just the barest beginning of a tremor and he clamped his mouth shut, vowing to say nothing more.

"Cougs? Hey..." Jensen reached out and laid a gentle hand against the sniper's cheek. Cougar pressed his face into the other man's palm and drew a deep breath, but water still seeped over the edges of his eyelids. Jensen felt it and drew Cougar into his arms, folding him against his chest. "You couldn't have saved them, Carlos. _None_ of us could. We didn't even know what was going on then! Shh...Don't cry. I'm here. I will always be here. Until death, entienda?"

Cougar buried his face in Jensen's shoulder, sheltering in the hacker's strong arms as his body shook with the force of his emotions. Jensen cradled him close and carefully removed Cougar's beloved cowboy hat to kiss the top of his head. The fact that Cougar didn't kill him for doing so was proof positive that he was right on the edge of complete meltdown. The sniper's body trembled and his teeth dug into Jensen's shoulder as he tried to regain some control over himself, but the dam finally broke when Emily returned bearing two cups of hot chocolate. She took one look, set the cups down, and came over to try and put her arms around them both. She didn't speak; she just helped her Uncle Jake hold on as Cougar wept. He cried as he had not cried since he was a very young child, half from grief and half from wonder that someone like him should have been given these two angels to love.

"_Te amo tanto."_ The words were muffled against Jensen's t-shirt, but the hacker had no trouble understanding them. He rocked Cougar gently back and forth. "I love you too, Carlos. More than anything. And Emmy loves you, and Jackie loves you. So do Clay and the others. You don't have to be alone with this, mi amor…not unless you want to be."

**~Fin~**


End file.
